Excuse Me While I Pick My Jaw Up From the Floor aka OOOOO

Right.  Have not been slacking with blogs.  Have been on vacation with family.  Went to wonderful island of Texel (one of the Wadden Isles).  100% internetfree.  Ok.  99,9% internetfree as I did ask one of friends to google address of pancake restaurant.  Other than that, da interweb was not missed.  Yay! 

But time flies and so the day had to get back to work arrived.  Always too soon, but until lottery is won or huge pot of monies is discovered or… Sigh.  There it was.  Mondaymorning.  Dragged myself out of bed.  And then: jaw cracking yawn.  Literally.  Jaw dislocated and jaw was stuck.  Been there done that, so despite nagging feeling that this would be total jawlock, man , desperately tried trick to get it unlocked.  Epic fail was met.  The mouth had gone O and with not go |  anymore.  Boo.

Husband was wide awake very quickly.  Stress all over the place of course.  These things are a lot simpler when one does not have minis.  Babysit had to be found.  I was planning on taking toddler and baby to hospital, but husband thought that would be a Bad Plan.  Only baby was allowed to come.  Follow the Food. 

Unfortunately it was only 7:15 and one can only call doctor at 8:00.  Of course it is perfectly possible to call the emergency doctor thingie, but that would be a) the wrong hospital and b)unless you point out that your guts are on the floor next to you, they don’t really think you should’ve called.  Might exaggerate.  A bit.  And so had a shower, dressed, looked at other people getting breakfast, attempted to brush teeth, … with a wide open mouth.  And then the husband could call the doctor. 

We had hope that we were allowed to go to hospital straight away, but alas, doctor decided we had to go there first.  Boo.  Babysit for toddler arrived and we raced off.  Me looking like a complete idiot.  Was very happy the little fly season is as good as over.  Little flies probably flushed from skies by excessive rains this “Summer”.  If anyone’s interested in finding out how it feels to be stared at:  try the open mouth approach.  Gets even better when you try to talk.  Though must admit that husband made progress.  This time around he did understand almost everything I “said” the first time I said it.  Practice does make perfect.

To make things worse we discovered we’d forgotten the nappy bag.  And of course baby girl had decided this would be an excellent moment to poo.  If you do that only once every few days, your timing really should be impeccable.  Yay baby!   As expected doctor could do nothing at all about jaw.  So hospital was called to ask if we could go there.  At that time had been sitting with wide open mouth for an hour and a half.  Pain! 

In hospital was placed in chair to wait until I could be unlocked.  Luckily I had happy (and still smelly – though we did pick up nappy bag) baby with me.  So bend down to make funny sound at her and massively drool all over the place.  Huzzah.  Happy side effect of this jawlock:  you gather a lot of drool underneath your tongue and no way to swallow it.  This is solved by mopping up any excessive drool with a handkerchief.  Advise not to do this on first dates.  Or second dates.   In fact any dates at all.  Unless one is trying to chase datee away.  Ponder.

When husband returned from administration people I asked him to change the baby.  But what if they’d take me away while he was gone?  Hmm.  Husband then wanted to take off again to administration. Bu wha if dey take me ‘way ile you’r gon?  Slush. Slush. Slurp.  Hmm.  Husband took off to administration.  And was taken away. 

“ Sit down in that chair please.  Try to relax.  Normally we’d give you diazepam, but that is impossible because you are breastfeeding.  So relax.  If it doesn’t work we’ll have to use the diazepam anywayz and then you can’t breastfeed for 1-2 weeks.  In fact, maybe you should sit in this chair.”  Gasp.  The soothing things doctors can say.  Will definitely be able to relax with the knowledge that failure means scary breastfeeding killing drugs.  Yay!  Would not have let them come near me with the stuff though.  Better that they’d knock me out or something.  Surely being unconscious also makes muscles soft and pliable.  But after some serious headpulling the jaw was where it should be again.  And there was much rejoice.  And yayness.

Was ordered to keep mouth closed.  While questions were asked.  Which wanted to answer.  But was ordered to keep mouth closed.  Right.  By then husband was brought inside.  Pity he hadn’t been there to witness the unlocking.  He could’ve used the knowledge.  On other hand.  Not that do not have eternal faith in the husband… Grin.  Then we went to take a look at the x-rays.  Wait?  No x-rays.  And so was whisked away to x-ray room where beautiful panoramic view of face was created.  And then the wait started.  The loooong wait.  Husband left me and baby to pick up toddler as time of babysitter had run out. 

So.  The jaw lock thing.  Think it started when was about fifteen.  The dislocating of the jaw that is.  When I yawn (or just open mouth wide) there is a chance the jaw dislocates.  Most of the time it’s fine and it goes back.  When was younger even did it on purpose.  Look!  Can be a snake!  How funny is that?!  Very funny.  Until that one time when I was 21 (I think) and the jaw was stuck.  Argh.  As a result of an accidental dislocation btw.  Stopped doing it on purpose for some reason.  Muha.  Yesterday was seventh time in ten years this happened.

So.  Am not allowed to yawn wide.  Boo.  Not allowed to eat big stuff.  Like apples etc.  Or do anything that involves wide open mouth.  Le sigh.  Apparently surgery is possible but a bit scary.  Big facial nerve in the way.  Most of the time it goes well, doctor said.  Most of the time.  So.  He’d only advice it if it’s really really bad.  So.  No surgery for me, thank you very much.

Oh well.  At least I ended up not working a lot yesterday.  Huzzah!