Blimps aka When Gherkins Fly Without Vinegar. Oh. And Some Slugs.

When was waiting for lift last week suddenly realized that am in happy possession of several vices.  Ok.  Maybe not such a sudden realization.  Actually, think have attempted to write about this before but got distracted.  Anywayz.  Waiting for lift.  Vices.  What do vices have to do with lifts one might ask?  In general not much.  But since live on the third floor, waiting for the lift can be associated with being a lazy bum.

 

After all.  In these days of Obesitas Galore and Chronical Couch Potatoness am morally – ok, not really morally but sounds fancy – obliged to take stairs whenever opportunity arises.  Especially after a full day spent sitting on ass at work.  Exceptions can be made when carrying children, groceries or combination of those.  When have baby with me and three bags of groceries: lift. 

 

But when returned from work last Friday definitely had no excuse what so ever to not take stairs.  Still.  Felt lazy so hit the L I F T button.  And so the waiting began.  Am quite  convinced of fact that must have Slowest Lift in Human History.  Wait.  Check mailbox.  Empty.  Waitwait.  Grumble.  Pace.  Read uninteresting letters of Flat Managing People.  Waitwait.  Hear a faint ping somewhere upstairs.  Grumble.  Pace.  By the gods.  Hate waiting.  Take stairs after all.

 

In this case vice no. 1, Lazy Bastarditis, has been effectively crushed by vice no. 2, Impatientia.  Suffer from a really bad case of that one.  Everything that takes slightly longer than the time I’ve decided it should, will cause the Uttering of Many a Complaint.  And most of time 10 seconds is an acceptable time frame.  Funnily enough manage to cope quite well with things like traffic jams or delayed trains.  But not lifts.  Aaargh.  Life gets even worse when the inherent slowness of the lift is enhanced by Human Behaviour.  Such as the infamous Hey, Let’s Push ALL The Buttons So Already Slow Lift Stops Everywhere.  Huzzah!  Supreme yayness.  Vexation of fellow flat inhabitants must be a nice bonus. 

 

But what was trying to say is that my vices seem to have a clear ranking.  On a sid e note.  Have just discovered that knowledge of Periodic Table is downright shabby.  So sad.  Maybe should add easily distracted to vices.  But not sure if that is vice.  Having such an active bubbly happy mind should be considered virtue.  If other people’s brains are too sluggish to keep track… not sure if that’s my problem.  Speaking of slugs.  Saw a Slug Massacre Supreme last Saturday.  Sadness galore.  Was walking on cycling lane and there were so many dead slugs.  So Sad.  Dozens of them.   Squashed by insensitive cyclists.  Uncaring bastards imho.  Tsk.  The things you see when you get lost.

 

And lost I was.  Which occasionally happens when one acts the Belgian.  Got off train and didn’t really read description on website.  Saw two women. One said to the other:  Hmm.  Have to check how we have to get there. iPadiPadiPad.  The other remarked she knew the way because she’d been there last time.  Aha!  Forgot that assumption is mother of all fuckups and assumed they were going where was going myself.  So started following them.  Dumdudumdudum dumdududumdumdum.  DUMDUM.  Teedee.  DUMDUM.  And then we got to Beethoven road.  Which seemed all wrong since needed a street with an author’s name.  And that’s how ended up discovering the Slug Massacre Supreme.  As well as a few brave ones that were still alive and trying to make it across the cycling lane.  Hope they made it.

 

Anyhow. 

 

Lazy Bastarditis seems to lose from Impatientia.  But.  Sometimes am sitting at computer.  Or TV.  Or reading a book.  Decide that would really really like a cup of tea (coffee) and a cookie.  Really.  Hmmm.  Want a cookie.  Think of Happy Noms.  Cookiecookiecookie.  Really should get up and get my cookie.  Don’t want to get up.  But want it so badly.  Maybe should just get up and get it.  Hmms.  Don’t think want cookie after all.  Unless someone brings me one of course.  But the above mainly happens in my head, so…  In this case the Lazy Bastarditis is victorious.  So, being lazy isn’t always a bad thing.  Can actually save you from Obesitas Galore.  Huzzah!  Contradictiones in termini ftw.

 

Think have made a happy now. 

 

Yay for Glorious Self-Justification.