On the IQ of Phones and Other Idiocies.

Trends of 2011.  Hmms.  Ponder.  Ponderer.  Ponderest.  Fashionwise can´t think of many things as am not really most fashionable person around.  Well.  Look nifty of course.  And getting better and better now that all (almost all?) pregnancy clothes have been banned from outfit, but am not really keeping up with things we “should” wear.  So as to an answer to the question whether yellow is the new black.  No idea.  Well quite sure it isn’t since haven’t really seen a lot of people dressed in yellow lately.  Shame really.  Such a merry colour.   Wear more yellow!  Someone else start first though.  Hmm.  Not sure if have any yellow garments at all.  Only thing coming close is a t-shirt of a poison yellowgreenish hue. Anyhow.

Think one of most prominent things this year is the Rise of the Smartphone.  Probably started a bit earlier, but since live underneath a rock most of the time, have decided that Rise of Smartphone is in 2011.  At least this year I have started noticing the damned things are everywhere.  Everyone seems to have one.  I don’t.  Am old fashioned.  Yes!  Have mobile phone.  Which use to call other people.  Often get complaints about people not being able to reach me.  Or – other way around – it happens I react most indignantly to “unannounced” changes.  Accused will retort with “but I texted you”.  “You most certainly did not.” Digs around in bag.  “Oh…” Still.  Do not want to be available at all times.  If I need you, will call you.  If you call me, you’re at the mercy of me being in the actual vicinity of phone.  Which doesn’t happen a lot.  Unless I expect a call or text or whatnot. 

Sometimes that can be a bit annoying.  Like the one time there was a fire in our building.  Came back from work and saw lots of police cars and fire brigade cars.  Oh.  Interesting.  Fire.  Let’s check out where.  Second floor.  Ok, not our house.  Relief.  Do I see husband somewhere outside?  Nope.  Ok.  Let’s ride on and get child from day care.  Doobiedoobiedoo.  Happily collect child.  Chat with day care people.  Always leave handbag near entrance of day care.  Hmm.  Maybe check phone.  Seven missed calls.  Oops.  Half a minute later we had an outraged husband on phone as to why I didn’t pick up.  “Oh?  The fire?  But that wasn’t in our flat and didn’t see you outside so…”  As it happened, husband had been outside because he had been evacuated by police.  Oops.  Hum. 

Phones and I, we have interesting relationship.  Am very happy with friend who has similar feelings when it comes to phone.  Hilarious when we try to ring each other.  And when we do get the other on the phone, we sound as if we don’t like one another at all.  Just am not good at phone conversations.  But well, we’re wandering away from the subject (as usual.  Curse you, Associative Mind!).

Smartphones.  Let’s start with their name.  Smartphone.  Why are these phones smart?  Because they do ten million things phones shouldn’t be doing in the first place?  I expect my phone to be able to make calls.  And because am not completely old fashioned and maybe (maaaaybe) because dislike making phone calls phone should be able to send text messages.  Do I want phone to be able to write a dissertation on the Negative Influence of Strawberry Yoghurt on Rudimentary Quantum Fysics.  Not really.  Is my phone stupid because it does what I expect it to do?  No.  So.  Smartphone not smart at all.  Suggest new name.  Redundant Feature Phone.  Comes with sassy abbreviation and all.  RFP.  Huzzah.

And now (almost) everyone drags one along.  To everywhere.  Lunch.  Toilet visits.  Bedroom.  Argh.  Not a moment’s peace.  One is having a happy conversation with the owner of a RFP and suddenly a ping (or ploink or whatnot) and person is happily typing away on phone.  Or sliding fingers over surface.  Shaking it upside down to get pictures showing the right way.  Meh.  Annoying.

Despite my ranting I have no illusions.  Will be owner of RFP sooner or later.  At one point Not So Stupid But Still Not Smarphones won’t be sold anymore.  And then will have to get one.  And be doomed to be online all the time.  Or probably to leave RFP lying around somewhere and totally forget about it.  No more quiet internet free holidays though.  Which is a pity as really enjoyed last one (apart from finding out the address of pancake restaurant – RFP of friend came in quite handy).  So.

Hopefully by then Wordfeud madness will have passed.  Two evils combined.  RFP _and_  Scrabble.  I hate Scrabble.  Always get wrong letters.  So get annoying and try to cheat.  Which pisses people off.  And then we’re all unhappy.  Letters being thrown through room.  People falling face down in pointy letter block of traveller Scrabble.  Bloodbath.  Screaming.  So.  No Scrabble for me.  Colleague has dragged me into Wordfeud though.  Well.  Not really dragged.  Asked me to make words.  Was handed RFP and off I went.  Found lovely words.  But then had to put words in place.  There was lots of cursing and of hitting the clear button.  Letters went everywhere except where I wanted them.  Grumble.  Finally thrust RFP back in hands of colleagues and told her to put nifty words in place herself.  Argh.  Prefer the pointy letter blocks of traveller Scrabble over this anytime.  Really.  Take your technology and leave.  Hmph.

Disclaimer:  Some technology is most welcome to stay.  Computers for instance.  Or dishwashers (definitely dishwashers).  Da interweb as well.  Also kinda like my DVD player.  And then also need TV.  Kinda fond of washing machine as well.  And car.  And mebbe.  Hmm.  Right.  Boo.